The Culture of Humility

One of the reasons I like living in Vancouver is because it just feels “comfortable,” and “a good fit” for me.
I heard many Japanese people lives in Canada say the same thing.

I don’t often pay attention and think deeply about why Canada feels more comfortable.
But every time I visit Japan, I have moments where I think, “Oh, maybe this is why.”
And one of those reasons is the culture of humility that I’m about to share today.

The Difference Between Japanese and English in Conversations

During my recent visit to Japan, I had the following conversation:

A friend said to me,
“Arisa, it looks like you are doing great in Canada!!”
And I responded:
“No, no, not at all! I am someone who lost her job. haha”

This type of response is very common in Japan.
At the time, I laughed it off, but later, I felt a bit uneasy about it.

If this conversation had been in English, I probably would have responded like this:
“Thank you! Yes, I really am!”

Just expressing gratitude – nothing more, nothing less – and accepting what others say as it is.
I was surprised at how naturally I switch between these two ways of speaking, depending on the language I use.

The Difference Between Humility in Japan and Canada

I used to think humility was unique to Japan.
But as English also has the words “humility” and “humble,” this actually exists in Canada as well.
However, its meaning seems completely different, at least as far as I know, making Japanese humility quite distinct.

In Japan, humility often comes with self-deprecation.
Saying things like “No, no, I’m nothing special” is the standard way to acknowledge a compliment while lowering oneself to elevate the other person.
This is our way of showing respect to others and being humble.

On the other hand, humility in Canada is a little different.
People don’t brag about themselves, but they also accept compliments with gratitude.
For example, “Thank you, I’m enjoying my journey!”

If I responded in English with “No, I’m not…” I think people would actually be worried about me, wondering what’s going on! Lol

Japanese self-deprecating humor is another thing you rarely see here in Canada.
For people from other cultures, watching someone make fun of themselves while everyone laughs can seem really weird.
At least to me, that’s not funny at all.

The Impact on Self-Esteem

This isn’t about right or wrong.
But personally, I cannot fully embrace the Japanese way of “humility by lowering oneself.”
It doesn’t just make you appear less confident, it can actually affect your self-esteem over time.

One situation that comes to mind is when parents are talking about their children:
“No, no, my daughter is nothing special…”
“Noooooo, she’s not perfect at all!”

Of course, parents don’t mean to hurt their children, they say this out of humility.
In fact, they’re probably thinking, “My child is the best!” inside.
As an adult, I can now understand all this.
But for a child who grows up hearing these words from their own parents, it might naturally lead to lower self-confidence.

They don’t need to say, “Yes! My child is incredible!” – which sounds like bragging.
But simply saying, “Arigatou (Thank you)” – wouldn’t that be enough?

If I ever have children in the future, I want to be mindful of how I express humility.

There is a word in Japanese, “kotodama (言霊).”
Kotodama means the spirit or power of words, and we believe that words have a spiritual power to influence reality.
(Then why…?)

Culture is very interesting.
Again, this isn’t about right or wrong, but you can choose what feels good for you.
We can’t change culture or environment, but we can choose one that suits us.
So, let’s keep that in mind.

This is obviously not the only reason I live in Canada, but it is one of the reasons I feel more comfortable being here and communicating in English.

I hope this blog gives you some insight into real Japanese culture, whether you like it or not! Lol
I plan to continue writing about the differences between Japan and Canada, so stay tuned